A drawback of blogging, or: Self-Consciousness Reloaded

Oh crap, I wouldn’t have thought blogging can be so challenging. It confronts me head-on with my fear of not being good enough, not performing well enough, not sufficing in general and of making a fool of myself (or rather, exposing to other people what a fool I really am).

Pushing that “publish” button feels like jumping out of an airplane. My heart pounds and I get all shaky and ask myself whose bright idea it was to want to blog in the first place! I want to do it, but don’t have the guts to do it and debate with myself whether to publish or not for what feels like a f***ing eternity.

How can it be so hard to click on a simple button, damnit?!

In the end I ask for advice and only push the button if someone else read over what I wrote and confirmed I should do it. At least if I don’t have a super-brave moment.

And then once my words are out there, I sit here and go hot and cold inside, asking myself if what I wrote was really good enough, meaningful enough, if anyone would even bother to read it and feel like a total jerk and like I just showed the world how wretched I am!

Isn’t that pathetic?!

Anyway, going to grab some food and trying to work it past the nervous lump in my throat now. If you can relate, feel free to let me know! If you think I’m being ridiculous . . . well . . . thanks for keeping it to yourself.

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