I hate having chores. More often than not I can’t bring myself to do them. To me they feel like I’m being used as someone’s maid or servant and deep down I have a feeling of “you don’t deserve that I do anything for you that makes your life easier” that goes with it.
It’s an irrational feeling, because my mom now sure doesn’t deserve that attitude. I suppose it’s a reaction that feeds off past experiences and the emotions that go with it, which are buried way deep where it’s hard to recognize, much less get rid of them. At first we tried a lot of things that were suggested by the therapists. Chore charts. Earning crap stars. Like a first grader. I was supposed to make my own plan. I got to use dad’s photo software thingy. That part was fun.
Then I was done, we printed it, and put it up as a reminder. All it acomplished was to give us shit days. I was angry at being reminded of the chores all the time, mom was exhausted and I didn’t do the chores. Willfully. Because I hated the idea.
If I get a chore, I usually don’t do it. Or do it only grudgingly and with anger eating at me, even when I try to be positive about it.
I am, however, okay with helping. I actually like to be helpful. Sometimes. Funny how one little word can make such a difference.
“Can you please do your chores now?!” – nasty feelings and ugly response.
“Can you give me a hand, honey? I could use your help.” – way easier.
Around the house I help with cooking, with setting the table, with cleaning stuff – as mom is the one who’s home with me, and I don’t do alone well, whatever my mom does, I at least sit on the sidelines and after a while I often help. Just because I can. And want to. Because we talk and smile and occasionally laugh doing it. Because I like the way my mom smiles when I offer to help. And because she doesn’t get angry if I don’t want to, or choose to be “helpful” by upsetting what she’s doing to get her attention. 😉
But give me chores, any kind of chores, and I’m out of there. I wonder if that ever goes away.