Woe Wash, anyone?

Have I mentioned recently that my mom is the best mom ever? It’s probably a severe case of ideation here, but heck, I don’t care.

So I was feeling low. Exhausted and depressed. Still am exhausted. But my mood is better. Small miracle here, because it certainly didn’t feel like it was gonna improve again. Like, ever.  Didn’t end up helping my mom, but just bothered her, shoving my blue mood in her face like it was somehow her fault. Blocked talking about anything by literally putting my hands over my ears and turning the other way. So she texted me instead.

I hate it when she does that, because I can’t resist the temptation of looking. Which made me angry at her, using dirty tricks, but even so this little conversation ensued.

Now you gotta know, Woe Wash is a family word for anything from cuddles to cheering up to silliness to just spending time together when the other is unwell. And while I didn’t totally feel like it, I know it usually turns out kind of helpful in the end and it’s easier to write ‘okay’ than to say it with real words, so I agreed in the end.

And turns out mom already had something in mind for the Woe Wash. Said she’d found a video on YouTube the other day that made her think of me and she had bookmarked it for me and asked if I wanted to see it. So reluctantly I curl up on a chair next to her to look at her laptop and watch a stupid video. Well, and have to admit it’s not so stupid at all. That I actually like it. Doesn’t beat P!nk, but those girls are pretty good. And something about their songs brightened my mood. Which is why, all things considered, my mom is awesome. And if you want your mood brightened, too, and are into this kind of music, check these girls out!

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Depressive Repercussions

Maybe it is the aftermath of yesterday’s painting and the realization that came with it, maybe it’s just coincidence, but however way I look at it, today sucks. I feel depressed and gloomy and like all energy has drained from me.

Terrible that one day I realize what I ought to be doing, and the next day I feel paralyzed inside, like it’s too much to even get dressed. I wonder if there’s some message my psyche has hidden in that. Does it need me to go slow so it can catch up? Or is it a not-so-subtle message that it balks at the idea of exploring the basement and would rather immobilize me for good than go there?

I don’t know. I can’t tell. It’s one of the zombie days where I can’t feel much or tell much. Depressed indifference. The day’s not even half over and already it feels like a wasted one. I wish I could press the rewind button, undo my life and start over. Under more favorable terms. Maybe if I’m real good and write Santa that this is the one thing I want for Christmas?

But since Christmas is still almost two months away, I got to find some other solution. For now I’ll try to stay active somehow. Even when it’s hard. Passivity is an awesome accelerant for depression, after all. Maybe mom needs help around the house. Maybe listening to some music will help. Or maybe I should paint another picture. Of rainbows, flowers with smilie faces and butterflies, this time.

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