I just happened across this website that suggests ‘Lola’ is a slutty name. That it shouldn’t be a first name but one to only use if your personality is ‘Lola’. I wonder when your personality is Lola. When you’re a whore? A stripper? A porn-star? A pet name for Lola would be Lolita – most people probably have some ideas that they associate with that as well.
Sometimes I wonder why and how my mother chose my name. Her name was Loretta, so maybe something starting with ‘Lo’ and ending in ‘a’ rang familiar to her. Or did she not think of that at all? Everyone called her Etta, so maybe she wasn’t even aware of the similarity. Maybe she just opened the newspaper one day, read the name somewhere and figured it was as good as any other. Or she heard the Kinks song, shrugged and reckoned ‘transvestite, daughter, whatever, it’s a name’. Sometimes I like to think she chose it deliberately. Most of the time I can’t imagine she attached meaning to it. She never called me by my name either. The only things I remember her calling me were ‘hey you’ or ‘stupid’ or ‘dirty slut’ or variations thereof. So who knows, maybe it was even my step-father who named me. Maybe because he was already thinking along the Lolita angle. He used to call me that and I hated it. I cringe when I hear it and want to puke. That’s not me.
My sister (one of the two I have now, I don’t have biological siblings) once asked me if I liked my name. I guess I like it okay. I like it when people use it to address me. I like it when my mom says it. In fact, I think I like it since my mom says it. She makes it sound nice. She says it in the same voice she uses to call me honey or kiddo or sweetie. It’s like she claimed my name and gave it new meaning. Like she claimed me. In my ears my name sounds different now than it used to.
I guess this post has no real point. Just random rambling about how weird it is that we end up with a name that someone else chooses and that can take on different meanings along the way. So what’s in a name? What you put in it, I guess.