Childhood Sexual Abuse – a picture poem

The upcoming holidays are triggering for me. I know it and in recent years I tried to hide from it. That didn’t work so well. So this year I have decided to look it in the face and get ahead of it, maybe. Who knows, it might steal some of the thunder. And if not, at least my therapist is going to be proud of me.

That’s a childhood picture of me – one of the few G-rated ones in existence, and the only one where I didn’t know I got my picture taken. The look on my face is 100% genuine and mirrors the way I felt better than words could.  I scanned the photo, edited the background out and put it along with a little poem I wrote to go with it. (It reads top, bottom, left, right.)

 

Child Sexual Abuse 3

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11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. prideinmadness
    Dec 18, 2012 @ 16:07:10

    Horribly beautiful *hugs* Thanks for sharing!

  2. Anita S
    Dec 18, 2012 @ 16:46:14

    This is a beautiful poem — your pain and sorrow comes through so intensely in both the picture and the poem. I empathize with you, and I hope the triggering will be at least a little less this year. You’re in my thoughts.

  3. Bourbon
    Dec 19, 2012 @ 00:22:03

    I think my heart just broke looking into those eyes…. ((hugs if wanted)) xx

  4. nobodysreadingme
    Dec 19, 2012 @ 17:09:49

    I’m beginning to sound like a stalker. A man, a predator, a harmer.
    I cannot change your experiences. But we ain’t all bad.
    Jeepers, I read what you write and I just burst into tears.
    We corresponded this week about things that make you jumpy, make you function badly.
    Hey ho. It’s up to you. But Holy Cow am I traceable. But you may not feel safe with me. That’s OK.

    • Lola
      Dec 19, 2012 @ 17:23:04

      No, I know men are not all bad. I have a dad now who is living proof of that, strong and tall and quite imposing, but really gentle and protective (unless, maybe, you meet him at court and happen to get cross-questioned). I suppose men can be just as kind as anyone, and women are capable of being just as cruel. Just depends on what kind of a person you are, I think.

      • nobodysreadingme
        Dec 19, 2012 @ 17:37:43

        Quite hard for me, this As long as you believe I am not a stalker, a fiend, a predator. You are perfectly valid in your distrust.
        I’m going to have a real rant here. You can block me, or delete me, whatever.
        Are you ready? Last chance

        I abhor, I hate, I loathe men taking advantage of women. To be fair, I hate women taking advantage of men. It happens.

        What is wrong with just being DECENT? Is that too much to ask?

  5. Denise Hisey
    Dec 26, 2012 @ 17:29:46

    Your picture is worth a thousand words (and more). I recognize the look in a photo I have of myself at a young age, also. My heart aches for the little girl you were and for all the pain you are processing now.

    I hope your holidays were easier this year, and your new perspective has given you strength.

    • Lola
      Dec 26, 2012 @ 21:53:11

      Thank you very much, Denise, for your kind words. I’m sorry you recognize the look from a picture of yourself, though. I hope you are in a better place now. My holidays are quite so-so this year, but at least there is some good amid the challenging, too, so I’m not complaining. 🙂

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