The Day Christmas Turned GOOD!

I don’t have words to convey just HOW excited I am!! Seriously, I don’t! No fucking way in hell could any word be awesome enough, I’m so happy!!

So what happened?! First of all, we waved the family goodbye! They are good people and I love them. Really, I do. But loving all of them at once is a bit much. I’m better at loving them from a distance or one at a time, so I’m really, really, really relieved that they finally all hopped back into the cars they came in, and quite early in the day, too.

That made for a great start into the day! Seriously, once everyone was gone, I just sat down and listened to the silence and the familiar sound of mom doing the dishes everyone left her with after breakfast and it felt like finally, FINALLY after way too many days that stretched out like a mini eternity things are back the way they are supposed to be. So that alone was a top-notch start into the day.

It also meant Christmas was technically over. Good riddance and all that.

But THEN the mailwoman came. See, I’m curious and even when I never really get any mail, I always want to know what mail we do get. But instead of letting me take the mail with her, mom sent me away. She turned all “no, you stay in the living room today” and when I took offense and demanded she stopped this injustice, she just said “because I say so” with her ‘don’t you dare talk back now’ voice. Which almost ruined this perfect morning, because I got quite pissed at her over it.

So when she and dad came into the living room after the mailwoman was gone, I was sulking by myself in the armchair. I did my best to markedly ignore them, with mom having been so mean. But they came over and wished me a merry Christmas all over again. That was so weird and out of place that I forgot to keep sulking, because checking whether they had gone nuts took priority. Crazy family or what?!

Yet they were smiling and looked like they were serious, and produced from behind their backs a fairly big package. Not wrapped or anything, just a cardboard box.

Remember how I was disappointed because I was not getting the one thing I had ended up hoping to get for Christmas? How I had stupidly not even told mom (or anyone else, for that matter) that I was hoping to get that? The stupid disappointment that had sort of ruined Christmas before it even began, because nobody had known I was hoping to get that thing, and therefore ended up not getting it?

The thing was a doll that might have ended up at our house because a lady from the neighborhood had asked mom whether she had any use for it. I had caught a glimpse of the picture of the doll the lady had shown mom, more out of curiosity than because I care for dolls. But when I had seen the doll I had been caught by surprise, because hands down, the doll looks like little a plastic version of me. I kid you not. So when mom had told the neighbor lady she’d consider whether she wanted the doll, I had kind of started hoping that she’d say yes. And then I had started to really, dearly hope she’d say yes, because in my mind I had started picturing how cool it would be to make the doll, like, mini-clothes that are just the same as I would wear, and maybe put a pink strand in her hair like I have . . .

But of course I never told mom about any of it. That’s BPD for you. Surely everyone should be able to read my mind, right?! So when I had casually asked mom before Christmas whether she had decided what to do about the doll yet, and she said she had told the neighbor lady to rather make some child somewhere happy than have the doll gather dust with us, I was gravely, utterly, terribly disappointed. Devastated, really, because my little dear fantasy about turning the doll into a tiny version of myself just vanished into nothingness and I hated mom for not having thought of me.

Yeah. So guess what was in the box mom and dad produced from behind their backs.


Have I mentioned that I really, really love them? And not because they ended up spending all that money on the doll for me. That’s the part that makes me feel guilty, because I think for having been so stupid not to even tell mom, I shouldn’t be getting anything at all now. No, why I love them is that they noticed how disappointed I was and took it seriously. Instead of teaching me a lesson by saying “see, that’s what comes from not sharing your thoughts” they got me the doll and said “see, that’s what comes from sharing your thoughts”. I love them.

And I love the doll. Yes, that probably makes me a big kid, but I still love the doll. She looks like a mini-Lola. Her hair is the same color and length as mine, it slides over her eyes just like mine does and she has blue eyes, just like I do. Even the shape of her face looks similar to mine.


I adore her shoes and pair of jeans. The rest of her outfit I probably wouldn’t wear, but hey, I’m gonna change that! I’m gonna give her a pink strand of hair like I have and I’m gonna get her clothes I would wear. And then, I don’t know.

I’m so happy. Christmas turned GOOD. And I have awesome parents. I love, love, love, love, love them! Bring on the rest of the year and the start of the new one! 🙂

8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. vwoopvwoop
    Dec 28, 2012 @ 14:01:37

    lola, she’s perfect! oh what a wonderful gift, i’m so happy for you. 🙂

    this post is bafflingly accurate and once again reminds me way too much of my sister. she asked for slippers, which i got her, but i also got her some dolls and she was so happy she could burst. 🙂 unsurprisingly her favorite is the one that looks like her. i think it was really healing for her to get the dolls, and i hope it is really healing for you to have your own doll! 🙂

    • Lola
      Dec 28, 2012 @ 14:29:10

      Thank you, Hats! ❤ How cool that your sister got dolls, too, and was so happy about them as well! I really understand where she comes from! 😀 And yes, I hope the doll will have a healing effect in some way, too. It definitely feels meaningful to have her, so I think that's a good start! 🙂

  2. gypsy116
    Dec 28, 2012 @ 19:54:41

    🙂 This makes me smile, Im so happy for you 🙂

  3. nobodysreadingme
    Dec 29, 2012 @ 12:16:47

    I’m very very happy for you. I’m glad you have such people around you, and I’m glad the doll is something you wanted, and needed, whatever the reason, and you got her.
    Gotta go before I start crying. I do this quite a lot when I read you.
    I hope the new year treats you well

  4. Lola
    Dec 29, 2012 @ 16:12:56

    Thank you, Duncan! ❤ I'm quite happy I have such good people around, too. It makes all the difference. Don't want to make you or anyone cry, though. :-/ Sorry! I sure hope the new year treats you well, too!

  5. Hawkruh
    Dec 30, 2012 @ 19:40:00

    I don’t think you’re ever too old for dolls, or stuffed animals for that matter! Maybe it will help with your healing as vwoop suggested. I hope so. It makes me wonder what it would like to have a doll that looked like me that I could talk to about how I’m feeling, and listen to as well. I was never into dolls as a kid, but your posts makes me wonder if I should revisit them. 🙂

    • Lola
      Dec 30, 2012 @ 20:36:30

      It’s funny, I was never into dolls either as a kid. I wasn’t much into playing as a whole, actually – or at least I have no memories of me playing. I guess I was too busy being watchful and keeping out of harm’s way and couldn’t really afford playing. So I suppose being interested in toys itself is kind of healthy, as it means I have the freedom of mind to focus on those things now. And I quite enjoy little doll Lola in a way I can’t really explain. Something in me responds to her, it’s weird. Maybe you can find a doll that looks like you, too? 🙂

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