So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways!

Life can be so tricky. But so good, too.

I just had an could-have-been-one fight with mom because she said I need to clean up my room before I do any more fun things, like be on the computer. I really hate doing that, so I tried to negotiate my way out of it, but since she will only let me delay it two times and this was already the third time, that was not very successful. So what happened then? Did I grudgingly go to my room to pick up clothes and shove the mess back into its drawers like a good daughter would?

Not really. I was more like “you are such a stupid bitch, I told you I’d do it, why do you push me so, why don’t you ever trust me to do what I say” (yeah, why oh why doesn’t she? – Don’t laugh!)

Did it work? Did she leave me alone? (Okay, stop laughing, I mean it. 😉 )

Not really. She just gave me her ‘pull the other one’ look because she could already tell I was not really losing it, just extremely unwilling to get started and looking for a way to make it someone’s fault. See, from there on we can go two ways. She can get angry and disappointed and hurt that I called her a stupid bitch. This is the path to a big bad fight.

But that’s not what she does. Like, ever. Or at least almost. I call her a good many things when I’m angry, but it doesn’t really reflect what I think of her and we are both aware of that. She does not enjoy the name calling, but I do not enjoy getting reminded of annoying things either. Kind of fair. We share the misery.

She chose the other way to go, smiled and told me she loved me, too, and made a silly little game of dragging, trailing and shoving me upstairs. I kind of enjoyed that part. And while doing so suggested a million and one way to make it more fun. And even though I was all “no”, “bad idea”, “I hate that” and “don’t wanna” about it, I liked it when she suggested we listen to some music. So we listened to some P!nk.

And it turned into fun! Go figure. Go get someone, and then sing-scream the chorus of “Raise Your Glass” into each other’s faces while raising your fists in the air! Really, do it! You’ll be amazed at how much fun that is! Especially if you are someone who’s wrong in all the right ways, too! 😀

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways, all my underdogs
We will never be, never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks
Won’t you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass!

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15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. nobodysreadingme
    Jan 09, 2013 @ 15:08:03

    Well done. I loved this, and the way you described your mum’s/mom’s (!) game of dragging you to the task. And the fact you knew you weren’t really mad at her, but more mad at yourself and trying to make it someone else’s fault. You knew what was happening. That has to be good doesn’t it?

    • Lola
      Jan 09, 2013 @ 15:12:06

      That’s very good, indeed! One of my more recent achievements, telling when I’m actually angry apart from just being really, really disinclined to do something. It feels similar and judging by my behavior it looks the same, but it’s actually two different things, so recognizing that is real helpful. So is singing along to Pink while doing something annoying! 😉

  2. Kyle Stanly
    Jan 09, 2013 @ 15:13:00

    I’ve always wanted to know… what is it with Borderlines and their obsession with Pink? I’m not saying all do, just a vast majority of which I’ve seen have. Is it the lyrics? The music? Both? Does Pink have an amazingly soothing voice that calms even the most terrible Borderline rages?

    • Lola
      Jan 09, 2013 @ 15:29:19

      Well, no, I wouldn’t say her songs are very soothing in the way you generally expect “soothing” to be. It’s just that she seems to ‘get’ many of the issues that people with borderline struggle with and sings about them. But not in the ‘woe me, I’m struggling’ way, but just in a way that (at least to me) sounds genuine and honest and raw and sometimes even vulnerable and at the same time strong and empowering and self-confident. I really like that about her songs. There’s one to match most of my moods. 🙂

  3. prideinmadness
    Jan 09, 2013 @ 15:26:28

    I listen to music and dance when I clean :p

  4. Stefanie Neumann
    Jan 09, 2013 @ 18:08:04

    You can’t have no fun doing your chores with that song! 😀
    How great that you have found a way to make your house work fun, Lola!

    By the way, I do agree with you regarding what you wrote about P!nk when answering Kyle Stanly’s question, earlier. I experience her art in a very similar way to what you are describing – although I have not been diagnosed with “borderline”.(Sorry in case I am not using the correct terms – I am not a native English speaker and sometimes have to do some “improv”, here)

    • Lola
      Jan 09, 2013 @ 18:38:30

      True that, about how it’s impossible to have no fun with whatever you do with that song! 😀 Hey, and cool that you agree about P!nk! She is my most favorite singer ever. And I suppose lots of people can relate to her music, after all she sings about stuff that probably everyone knows on some level. (And your English sounds perfect to me!)

      • Stefanie Neumann
        Jan 09, 2013 @ 18:50:57

        😀 – Yes, I believe that’s actually it. It seems to me we as humans are all not so very different at all. And we would know that (and often feel less lonely/ isolated) if we would communicate and listen to how we are feeling. People like P!nk are an inspiration on that part – and I am sure so are you for many, too.

        (Thanks re my English – the native/ non native speaker thing just seems to be something to keep in mind when communicating with a global community 😉 )

        • Lola
          Jan 09, 2013 @ 19:02:51

          You know, I really agree with that, Steffi, that we, as humans, are not so different after all, whether we struggle with different mental health issues or not. If you are interested to read a more in-depth version of my thoughts on that very subject, you might enjoy reading this post I wrote not so long ago about the question what ‘mental illness’ really is. If you are interested, you can find it here: https://lolasrecoverysite.wordpress.com/2013/01/02/what-does-mental-illness-mean-really/

          Aw, and thanks for saying I might be an inspiration for people. I have a hard time really trusting that (not because you don’t seem trustworthy, but because I am such a nut sometimes), but hey, I guess even a small inspiration is one. Only a day ago I read a quote that said “if you believe small things don’t make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito” and that really struck me, because it’s so true (and I really hate mosquitos and can’t sleep at all with one in the room 😉 ) So I guess even if it’s only a little bit of inspiration, it might make a difference for someone. That’s a really nice thought. 🙂

          • Stefanie Neumann
            Jan 09, 2013 @ 19:24:34

            I will definitely read the post you linked up, here, Lola. It just could be that I have to come back to that, tomorrow, as I lack sleep, today, and would like to approach the post with my full attention.

            Regarding being and inspiration and that small things do make a difference:
            I hear you! – And for me it does not feel like you are a “nut” because you find it hard to trust that you can be an inspiration for others. You were just born into a society where many things that are really great (and sometimes “different” from the so called norm) are currently dismissed as “small”. But in showing up just being who you are and “shining your light” you (like each of us) are also in some way contributing to a change not just for yourself but also in society – one breath at a time.
            For me, I take it like this: each small step, no matter how tiny, is still causing more shift than not stepping up at all. 😉

            And I hope, you are still taking it easy when having an exchange like this – in regard to your other post. 🙂

            • Lola
              Jan 11, 2013 @ 10:05:01

              Yeah, I think you have a point there. Many things that society considers to be ‘big’ aren’t really that grand altogether, and many things that are really meaningful (at least to my eyes) hardly get acknowledged at all or get dismissed as being small and unimportant. And I like the attitude that even a tiny step is making more of a difference than not stepping anywhere at all.

            • Stefanie Neumann
              Jan 11, 2013 @ 11:40:29

              🙂

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