The Sexual Healing Journey, Chapter 6 – Collage Day


With today being something of a rotten day, I still decided to have a go at continuing with the sexual healing journey. I have entered the first chapter of the second part. The second part of the book is all about “making changes”. It introduces various ways and areas in which changes can be necessary to go from an unhealthy idea of what sex and sexuality is to a healthier one.

I didn’t feel up to much writing and reflecting today, but the book suggested to make a collage of the unhealthy view on sex that I have, as well as the healthier view I would like to develop. You know, to get a better idea of what my current understanding is, as well as to get an idea of what I’d want my future understanding to be like. So that was what I started the day with today.

*TRIGGER WARNING: the ‘now’ part of the collage is graphic and contains explicit imagery.*


Okay, so here we go. Here are the two collages I ended up with next to each other:


And if you want to see better, here is my current, unhealthy idea of sex:


And here is what I would like my healthy version to be like, the goal I am working towards:



What’s interesting is that when I started out, I had absolutely no idea of what my ‘goal’ side was going to look like, but then it kind of came together easier than I thought it would be. So I guess the good the collage making did was that I realized that my current idea of sex is really nasty, but also that I actually do have something of an idea of what I want to work towards. That’s more than what I thought I had before I made the collage. So I guess that’s a good step into the right direction.

Okay, off to do something nice with my mom now.


Missed the past episodes of the journey? Here they are:

A project for 2013
The Sexual Healing Journey Begins, Chapter 1
The Sexual Healing Journey, Chapter 2
The Sexual Healing Journey, Chapter 3, Part 1
The Sexual Healing Journey, Chapter 3, Part 2
The Sexual Healing Journey, Chapter 3, Part 3
The Sexual Healing Journey, Chapter 4
The Sexual Healing Journey, Chapter 5

Book source:
MALTZ, Wendy (2012): The Sexual Healing Journey. A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse; Third Edition; Harper Collins. New York.


25 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. nobodysreadingme
    Jan 15, 2013 @ 13:42:57

    Scary, but there’s a sense of optimism in the After collage. A small one but it’s there.

    • Lola
      Jan 16, 2013 @ 06:58:57

      Yeah, the ‘now’ one is scary. Kind of scares me, too, seeing my own view so graphically. Really makes me want to get rid of it, though, so I suppose that’s a good thing. And yeah, I agree, there’s a little optimism in the view I hope to be able to have in the future. I found a piccie of someone with pink boxing gloves to use in making sure nobody messes with me, like in the figurative sense. I really liked the pink gloves. Might as well go for it in style. Maybe I’m silly, but that kind of helped me get intp an upbeat mood about it.

  2. prideinmadness
    Jan 15, 2013 @ 15:06:32

    Wow, those are very powerful images! I would even say that a lot of people can relate to the images and words you’ve put on the healthy and unhealthy collages. Many young men I’ve been with sexually in the past didn’t understand that sex is a form of commitment (even if you are not dating), that it should ALYWAYS be safe, and that I ALWAYS had choice in the matter. Many of us have unhealthy views of sex, sexuality and relationships. We’re trained that way.

    Like I said before, you know what you want so I have no doubt you can reach what is on your healthy collage. 🙂

    • Lola
      Jan 16, 2013 @ 06:54:34

      I think it’s quite common that people don’t think of sex as form of commitment (else I’d probably never have gotten ‘lucky’ with anyone in the way I did). And about those unhealthy views of sex and having been trained that way, that is SO right, you know! The more I am thinking about those things the more I realize that my views on sex, sexuality etc. are an almost exact mirror of my stepfather’s. Which is really creepy, because I don’t really want his thinking in me. 😦 Time to get rid of it. So yeah, knowing what I want is a good first step. Thanks for the confidence. I’m still not sure how to get to my positive view, but having it is probably a good start.

      • prideinmadness
        Jan 16, 2013 @ 14:04:26

        We’re already in a world that says men should be dominant and women submissive so no one is off to a great start in regards to sex and sexuality and it’s such a shame!

        i hope this book continues to help you or at least gives you enough insight that you can take the next step in another way 🙂

        • Lola
          Jan 16, 2013 @ 16:08:17

          Yeah, I totally agree that everyone’s perceptions of how men and women should be with regard to sex etc. is a bit screwed up. Plus, it’s everywhere. It was actually scarily easy for me to find all those images that went on the ‘now’ collage in perfectly ordinary magazines like cosmopolitan and even a wine journal that my dad reads.

          • prideinmadness
            Jan 16, 2013 @ 16:23:43

            That is such a good point! I’m sure there are also things on your ‘now’ collage that others would put on their more positive collage. Many of the pictures and words on your ‘now’ collage would be great things to bring up in future relationships because they can help you determine what you want or don’t want while with someone.

            • Lola
              Jan 16, 2013 @ 16:28:45

              That’s true! Those things are probably all very much worth discussing in a relationship, because it’s probably way hard to just tell those things just by looking at someone. Or wait, no, I think it’s fair to say that’s actually impossible.

            • prideinmadness
              Jan 17, 2013 @ 02:39:13

              I think media and such really misleads couples into believing that we can all be mind readers. I have this conversation frequently with my partner. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING OR DON’T LIKE SOMETHING THEN TELL ME!!!! 😛

            • Lola
              Jan 17, 2013 @ 10:48:35

              Yeah, I think media is really misleading and creating all those expectations of what men and women SHOULD be like, which aren’t necessarily the most realistic and/or healthy. So yeah, talking about what every person who’s involved really wants is probably a real good plan!!!

  3. Stefanie Neumann
    Jan 15, 2013 @ 17:50:34

    I hope you are having a fun time with your mom, today! 🙂

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