Feeling stupid

You know what I hate? I hate when I really want to understand something and the way to get to understand it is plastered with lots of reading of stuff that contains big words and complicated thoughts and biology and all those things that I have no clue of. I feel really stupid and want to give up and feel like maybe the people who gave me the ‘borderline IQ’ diagnosis (like bordering on retardation or something) were right. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I mean I know they weren’t but wanting to understand something complicated and just not getting it in any way because even after struggling to read the first paragraph of something, I have no clue what I just even read… that sucks real bad. I mean I really *want* to understand the stupid text, and I want to write for my blog about it, but it seems like I’m too stupid to understand it. That’s such a rotten feeling.

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24 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. nobodysreadingme
    Jan 18, 2013 @ 09:53:08

    I don’t know about the IQ thing. Your writing here is cogent, logical, and rather elegant to be honest. And touching.
    I don’t understand some stuff, but that doesn’t make me a dimwit. And not understanding some things doesn’t make you a dimwit either.
    In fact I know you aren’t. I have a very well developed dimwit detector. You don’t even register on the dial

    • Lola
      Jan 18, 2013 @ 16:56:03

      Yeah, my IQ is probably alright, that’s what mom tells me, too. I don’t do well with getting tested, that’s where that borderline IQ thing comes from. And thanks for saying my writing here is okay and even elegant! Ha! Now that’s a first! That’s actually what I thought when I came to live with my family – how eloquent they all speak and how elegantly they can put things. And I didn’t even know the word ‘eloquent’ back then! So maybe they’re rubbing off!! Hehe! My language has certainly improved and I’ve adopted a lot of words since they came into my life. It might be because I’m quite a talker and happy to use all the words I know until your ears bleed, though, so who knows how good that is! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hehe! And I’m happy I don’t even register on your dimwit detector dial. Phew! (Though I might register if you had a dimwit detector that measures how well people get biology. I don’t get that at all, and it’s so frustrating.)

      • nobodysreadingme
        Jan 18, 2013 @ 20:27:26

        Stay with it, doodette. You are very eloquent. Astonishingly so.

        • Lola
          Jan 18, 2013 @ 21:37:40

          I will stay with it. I really want to figure this thing out, because I want to write about it for my blog, like, real bad!! So I guess I’ll have to keep at it, else I can’t write about it. And thank you for the compliment, that’s real sweet. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. weordmyndum
    Jan 18, 2013 @ 15:24:24

    My IQ tests at 163. Right now, because of my depression and lingering effects of ECT, I can’t understand or retain things I read. It doesn’t mean I’m stupid, and it doesn’t mean you’re stupid. There are a lot of different learning styles, and that’s okay. Amusingly, my strongest learning style is auditory even though I’m hard of hearing. You can find a LOT of books in audio format these days, even technical stuff and textbooks. Might be worth investigating that avenue.

    • Lola
      Jan 18, 2013 @ 17:02:06

      That’s encouraging, thank you. Although I’m sorry that you struggle to understand or retain things you read, especially when you know that you’re actually much better at those things. But a really good idea about the audio things. I’m good with words, but I’m seriously bad with reading. The lines always look wobbly and it’s real exhausting to read especially long words properly. I do well when my mom reads to me, though. So weird. Maybe I really need to use that more, though.

  3. prideinmadness
    Jan 18, 2013 @ 16:30:09

    Some things just don’t make sense. I could be wrong but maybe you’re just not a “logic” person. You appear to be on the creative side which is what I am also. Things like math and science just don’t work well in our brains (so science says) but creatively whether that be with writing, drawing, music, emotion etc we’re bang on!

    I didn’t do well in psychology because it was all about brain systems or medication compounds which just made my eyes glaze over. I still have two books by Michel Foucault sitting on my shelf, untouched for 2 or 3 years because I have NO IDEA what he’s trying to say (History of Madness and Psychiatric Power). I read one paragraph 6 times and even read it to my partner (who I believe is brilliant) and he had no idea either :p

    One thing I do though is read out loud, with a dictionary/computer near by, and talk about what I’ve read with others to see if I’ve understood and it helps me remember also.

    • Lola
      Jan 18, 2013 @ 17:08:03

      I’m definitely more on the creative side!! I absolutely HATE math and numbers and stuff. Reading itself is also somewhat of an enemy. I know lots of words, I can write stuff well (if I use a spellchecker, because my spelling is kind of bad) and I am okay understanding stuff that I can actually look at, but as soon as I need to look at letters, it’s sooo hard. My mind goes all stupid trying to comprehend the words I piece together. I’m kind of relieved you had the same experience wiith the History of Madness and Psychiatric Power books. Reading out loud is not a bad idea, except that I’m such a slow reader that anyone listening would surely fall asleep while I try to get words that have more than five letters right. :-/ Reading. Ugh.

      • prideinmadness
        Jan 19, 2013 @ 03:29:31

        Nothing wrong with moving at your own pace. What I’ve done also is go sentence by sentence and put it into my own words. That would probably be tedious if you’re struggling with a whole book lol.

        Just do what you can. I’m sure there are books or online resources that would give you the same information you’re looking for but simpler.

        • Lola
          Jan 19, 2013 @ 07:39:20

          Sentence by sentence is my only way to go, really, when a text is complicated. Sometimes I’ve forgotten the beginning of the sentence by the time I managed to get through to the end, though, especially when I need to look up three words that I don’t know in the process. Solving a proper riddle would probably be easier that that text. I don’t know about simpler ressourses, though. Biology stuff about genes and gene expression always tends to be kind of sophisticated. I’d probably need a kids’ cartoon version or something, but strangely advanced biology and recent reseach findings doesn’t seem to be considered good kiddie entertainment. :-/ LOL I’ll see if maybe mom can go through the thing with me over the weekend or sometime next week.

          • prideinmadness
            Jan 19, 2013 @ 14:58:47

            There has to be a biology for dummies type book out there (if you are familiar with the “for dummies” brand). I loved all that genetics stuff in high school and it’s still very interesting I just take the “whatever” approach :p Is this reading for pleasure or for school?

            • Lola
              Jan 19, 2013 @ 17:35:10

              Yeah, I’m familiar with the ‘for dummies’ brand, but somehow I’m reluctant to pick one of their books up. I mean it says ‘for dummies’, after all. I think of myself as a dummy enough as it is already, I don’t need a book to aid me feeling even more like one. ๐Ÿ˜‰ But mom finally took pity in me and explained the stuff to me. Now I get it. It’s genetics, kind of, and I find it interesting. I wanted to post about the subject, that’s why I wanted to read it.

            • prideinmadness
              Jan 19, 2013 @ 20:35:03

              Ha ha I’ve never read a “for dummies” book either for basically the same reason ๐Ÿ˜›

              I’m glad you understand now ๐Ÿ™‚

            • Lola
              Jan 20, 2013 @ 08:02:48

              Haha, funny. I wonder if ‘for dummies’ is the cleverest way to advertise a book. Do people actually LIKE to think of themselves as dummies? But there are ‘for dummies’ versions of everything, so I guess it must be working. Definitely not for me, though.

  4. Diversity is Art
    Jan 18, 2013 @ 21:06:15

    I have the opposite problem, I can understand complicated words and texts and remember them but can’t understand simple things including daily tasks and common sense,I need several explanations with small steps, that does make people think I’m lazy or stupid =/
    I think most people have a hard time with complicated things, doesn’t mean they are stupid, actually I don’t think anyone is stupid even if someone has low IQ (I don’t like IQ tests), I actually don’t like insulting people with intelectual disability.
    Not understanding a text doesn’t really means lack of intelligence, focus and concentration are important too.
    From what you write you sound really capable and smart.

    • Lola
      Jan 18, 2013 @ 21:42:04

      Oh, the opposite problem sucks, too. I know those things suck, because I struggle with daily tasks as well. Not really because I don’t understand them, but because I’m always so insecure that I don’t trust my own judgement and need someone else to confirm that I’m doing it right before I can carry on. But it kind of boils down to struggling with seemingly small things, too, so I feel for you. Oh, and I, too, don’t like insulting anyone over their IQ or stuff. I mean that’s just wrong. And I really, really don’t like IQ tests either. I’ve been avoiding getting re-tested for years now, and I still can’t make myself agree to another IQ test, even if it were to correct the wrong disagnosis of the borderline IQ thing. And thank you for saying I sound capable and smart. You definitely do, too! ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Bourbon
    Jan 18, 2013 @ 22:29:14

    I can relate to that frustration. I have (formally tested) really low levels of comprehension. I’m not “dumb” but because of the extent of mental stuff going on in my head it is so hard for me to get enough consciousness to be able to take stuff in! Doing my psychology degree was fun…. loads of really hard texts to read! I’m glad I don’t have to do that anymore! What is it you’re reading out of interest? xx

    • Lola
      Jan 19, 2013 @ 07:31:53

      Oh, that probably sucks, too, when there’s too much going on to have enough consciounsness to take stuff in. Way admirable and amazing that you managed to get a psych degree despite it!! That must have been a lot of really hard work! All I managed was to drop out of high school and end of story. :-/ What I’m trying to read is a 22 page essay about the influence childhood abuse and neglect has on gene expression. ‘Cause I’m so annoyed when people assume ‘oh, mental illness is genetic and biological’ and that’s that, instead of realizing that experiences shape what our genetic hardwiring ends up being. Mom already explained to me THAT it works that way, but I want to understand WHY and HOW it works that way, but it’s really difficult. I want to understand it and post about it to maybe help other people, though, who may have an equally hard time understanding it as I do, because I think it’s important that people understand how very important childhood experiences are and that it doesn’t suffice to just blame bad genes, because whether those get activated or not depends a lot on the circumstances, too! (Gosh, even writing that is complicated. Do you have any idea what I mean?)

  6. AmendaT (@AmendaT)
    Jan 19, 2013 @ 17:47:26

    Hmm..In simple terms, our genes are shaped by the environment (and experiences). Some genes (for example: iris colours and the number of toes, etc) are mostly not being affected normally unless there’s gene mutation. But others (skin colour, height, presence of dimples ๐Ÿ˜‰ ) are affected by the interactions with the environment. I think the theory has to do with the relations between genes and environment. Haven’t read similar articles myself but it revolves around that concept even though there’ll be big words popping out on the way.

    It’s not unusual to come across texts, especially scientific ones, which you need more than a glance to understand so don’t be discouraged! Try reading the same paragraph a few times and searching for information about scientific words that are more specific (AND harder to understand ^^). It’ll need some work but you’ll digest it in the end. Take your time with it ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Lola
      Jan 19, 2013 @ 18:35:34

      Thank you very much for the encouragement and the explanation, Amenda! ๐Ÿ™‚ I finally managed to understand how experiences shape gene expression after my mom explained it to me. That worked better than the reading. So I could finally write my post about it. ๐Ÿ™‚

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