Dislec- dsylecti- dysletc- … can’t spell well

If I don’t use a spellchecker, I need to focus real hard on what I write and will still make mistakes unless I ‘paint’ the words letter by letter. I am dyslectic. For my blog I always write with a spellchecker, because I don’t want to come across as being dumb. Reading what others write on their blogs – or in comments – is just as challenging. Reading is hard when the letters blur and seem to wobble and fade out. It takes all the fun out of reading, I can tell you, because it’s exhausting. Have a try. I believe this should be about as hard for you as reading any text is for me:

dyslectic

What’s it say? Can you tell?

It reads “This is how a written sentence looks to me, especially when I’m tired”. Being tired and reading don’t go well together at all.

Writing is just as challenging: Wihout the spalltchekre leting me knom whith red sigsag or otocorket what si wrog, this is hou itsreed. It’s like my own little language. That’s why I always let my mom look over everything I post here (or better yet dictate it) and write only very slowly by hand to make sure everything is spelled correctly, because I’d hate it if people thought I was stupid.

I spent too much time thinking that about myself anyway. I was a poor student back before I dropped out of school and it was in part because of the psychological problems I was having and in part because of the dyslexia. My teachers never realized I was dyslexic because I didn’t perform well enough in any area to make them think my reading and writing was poorer than my other skills, so instead they assumed I had learning difficulties and poor intellectual abilities in general. So that’s what I grew up thinking about myself.

The thing is I don’t. I have come to realize that my intellectual abilities are just fine. So that’s a good thing. But even so I’m self conscious. It really sucks that my brain does not comply in a way that lets me read well. But what else is new. My brain does not comply in a lot of ways. Anyway, I don’t know if this post even has a point. I guess I’m just frustrated with my dyslexia at the moment because I want to read a book and it’s frustrating me to the point that I feel like tossing it in a corner and getting matches. So instead of doing that I come here for a rant.

Apart from reading I’m struggling with dissociation quite a bit at the moment. So maybe that’s making things worse. I don’t know. Anyway, thanks to my mom for typing, and thanks to you for reading, if you made it this far.

What annoying thing do you struggle with at the moment that makes you want to go arsonist on something?

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20 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Red
    Jul 31, 2013 @ 14:11:42

    I am dyslectic and didn’t find out until college. I thought I was stupid, but come to find out I’m not at all. I get it. 🙂

    • Lola
      Jul 31, 2013 @ 14:27:20

      Hey, I didn’t know that you’re dyslectic, too. It kind of sucks. But I guess there are worse things. I’m sorry you didn’t find out until you were older either. xx

  2. nobodysreadingme
    Jul 31, 2013 @ 14:32:35

    My sister is dyslexic. She’s got a really high up job in the New Zealand government.
    I’ve never had any doubts about your intellect.
    And yes I did manage to read the sentence, but it was damned hard work. I did it mainly from the context, which may be how you tackle it.
    Fair play to your mum. Say Hi for me.

    • Lola
      Jul 31, 2013 @ 14:34:21

      Way to go to your sister! And thanks for not doubting my intellect. These days I am not doubting it so much anymore either, but I used to. A lot. And mom says hi right back. Did you read last week or so’s blog post about how I met her? You might like that one.

  3. Alastair
    Jul 31, 2013 @ 15:22:18

    My ex-wife is dyslexic. She tried to convince my daughter was as well.

    There have been several actors and actresses that have also been dyslexic. I don’t know if this will help you – it may do. Wendy Craig – a dyslexic actress – lays a coloured perspex over what she is reading. I believe it was red. This helped her to read properly. It caused all of the letters to make sense for her.

    It may help 🙂

    • Lola
      Jul 31, 2013 @ 15:49:48

      Maybe I’m missing a career in show-biz. I’d certainly be able to pull of the drama aspect of it. 😀

      On a more serious note the color thing sounds interesting. I shall try it out. Maybe I can distinguish black and red better than black and white. Thanks. 🙂

  4. LittleChick
    Jul 31, 2013 @ 16:55:05

    Hi Lola 🙂
    I remember something from a previous post about trouble spelling and I actually giggled because your spelling is perfect on your blog. I’m sorry it is extra hard for you, but you do a great job. Plus you have great voice and flow in your writing, which I think is more important.

    Math makes me want to burn things. 😦 Numbers mean nothing to me. Thank goodness for spellcheck and calculators!

    • Lola
      Aug 01, 2013 @ 07:48:54

      Hi LC, and thanks for the kind words. 🙂

      yeah, my spelling is good here because I spellcheck everything and let someone look over it. Don’t want to sound dumb or anything.

      Sorry you’re struggling with math. I’m better with numbers than letters – at least there’s only ten of them. lol 😀

  5. mm172001
    Jul 31, 2013 @ 18:54:52

    I have the problem typing and writing (especially notes for classes) leaving out letters of words, switching places for letters like I almost always type slef before it autocorrects. Sometimes I make letters longer or shorter than they are suppose to be, I’m especially bad with”p” and “n”. I always chalked the first two examples up to my brain and thoughts racing too fast so things get out of order or forgotten. And the last as just a “quirk.” Never been tested for any type of learning disability and I read really well. My issue is with writing or typing.

    • Lola
      Aug 01, 2013 @ 07:50:48

      I have words I type notoriously wrong, too. I always write teh instead of the. Thankfully it autocorrects. I don’t know what I would do without that. Great that you can at least read well. 🙂

      • Amy
        Aug 01, 2013 @ 17:07:45

        I do teh all the time too!!!

        • Lola
          Aug 01, 2013 @ 19:05:44

          It’s maybe teh most common mistake I make. Maybe teh letters on the keyboard are arranged in a way that makes teh fingers automatically type them in teh wrong order. 😀

  6. Amy
    Jul 31, 2013 @ 23:09:06

    I am not dyslexic but had ADHD and wasn’t able to read because I couldn’t concerate!!! I spell horrible and spell check everything and I have had a lot of my meds cause my to write words in the wrong order switch letters or just forget to spell things like the!!! When I first went on Ritalin it was like the world was different I could read a book, till I built up a restence and Dr. won’t up mgs so I am stuck back where I started, reading things over and over until they make sense or I give up!!! You do a great job not letting that stop you from getting your point across, don’t get down on yourself!!! Kinda the pot calling the kettle black because I do the same thing!!! I type on my iPad when I am having trouble and share with therapist and sometimes I can’t even make out what I wrote!!! Hang in there!!!

    • Lola
      Aug 01, 2013 @ 07:52:19

      ADHD can be really hard, too, can’t it? Yeah, and I guess maybe we just both follow the suggestion to not get down on ourselves. After all there are things that we can do better than reading, writing, focusing and concentrationg. You hang in there, too. 🙂

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