The page I struggle most with, because I can’t put my thumb on who I am. I guess I can describe myself best by saying: I’m Lola. That’s the one thing I’ve been all my life.
The rest changes. A lot. Constancy and permanence are rare.
Not even my age is simple. I’m in my mid twenties, but I look younger, feel younger and act younger a lot of the time. I can feel and act like I’m five years old one moment, and then like I’m fifteen or twenty-five the next. Makes me fun to be with, you bet!
I have collected a plethora of diagnoses and labels in the past ten years, which I’ve spent being in and out of institutions and homes and living facilities and whatnot. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) are the main diagnoses that influence my life – and the life of those around me – the most.
Those around me now are my family . . . but family is a complicated matter, deserving of its own page. You can read more about all things family in my life there.
I love Pink (the singer) and hot pink (the color). At least most of the time. Everything else is swinging back and forth between opposites. I’m outgoing and shy. Very verbal and mute. A brazen slut and an innocent little girl. Loving and hateful. Overflowing with ideas and bored to death. Confident and scared. Orderly to the point of OCD and so messy that everything is a shambles . . .
You get the idea.
I’m also the character of a book focusing on my struggles on my long road to revovery, so you won’t find me walking the streets, because I can’t go outside the mind of the author. She is a professional who knows about my struggles from the other end and uses me to get better insight into how things look from my perspective. I’m glad to be of that service, and also glad to be able to use this way to interact with the world outside her mind, too. This is my site and contains whatever wisdom or insights I struggled to collect, but also my messed up thinking and way of experiencing at times, so don’t expect “professional” from me! I don’t do that well. 😉
This blog is one step on my road to recovery, something to get my flighty mind together for. I also want to share my thoughts on stuff that usually everyone else is talking to me about. If you’re reading and have some thoughts of your own, no matter how small, feel free to drop them in. I love reading them. 🙂
(Do also check out the disclaimer, if I got you confused now.)