This blog is written from Lola’s perspective and it is about her view on her world. Lola is not a real-life person, but a fictional character from a book. Even so, she is real insofar as she has her own opinions, her own history and her own personality etc. that everyone who is interested in her story can learn about here. Any resemblances to real persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental. Lola is the intellectual property of the author and blog owner. The blog owner is a non-medical practitioner psychotherapist, but this blog is NOT counsel and NOT therapeutic in nature. Different things work for different people. Please apply common sense.

BookCoverThe Book

The book that Lola is the main character of focuses on how she came to live in her family, on her ongoing struggles to deal with her past and her resulting mental disorders and on the many steps on her journey towards psychological healing. The book is at this point not available to the general public. If you happen to be a publisher who is interested in a manuscript, you are welcome to contact me.

Blog Comments

The owner of this blog reserves the right to edit or delete any comments that get submitted to this blog without notice if a comment is deemed to:

  1. be spam or possible spam
  2. include severe profanity
  3. contain language or concepts that I find disrespectful or offensive
  4. attack a person or a group of people personally

The owner accepts no responsibility for the content of comments.

Content Validity and Accuracy

All content on this blog is purely the opinion of Lola herself, as suits her personality. It is not intended to malign anyone or  anything. The owner makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this site. The owner will not be liable for any errors or omissions in this information, nor for the availability of the information. Especially after some times elapsed, the content can be outdated and the opinions of Lola can be subject to change. The owner will not be liable for any losses, injuries or damages resulting from the display or use of this information.

Images, Photographs and Writing

All images, photographs and writing on this blog are the original artwork of the blog owner and intend to do nobody any harm whatsoever. They may not be copied, altered, reproduced or used by any third party without written permission by the owner. If you wish to use any content of this blog for any purpose, please contact me. The owner is not responsible for the republishing of the content found on this blog without permission. Images, photographs and writing that is not the owner’s property will be sourced accordingly and the owner accepts no responsibility for its content.

External Links

The owner is not responsible for the content of any external sites. URLs and domains can change hands and are subject to change or deletion. Therefore the owner accepts no responsibility for what’s at the end of a link, nor for any websites linking to content of this blog.


As suits Lola’s personality, this blog contains words that can be considered profanities. The use of those words is solely a means to be true to Lola’s personality; no harm whatsoever is intended and the owner accepts no responsibility for readers taking offense to the language. The owner is not a native English speaker, so there might be unintentional vocabulary, grammar or punctuation errors.


Lola appreciates it when someone considers her and nominats her for an award. She does, however, not like the chain-letter nature of awards (to accept, pass on to X people) because she believes getting awarded something should not be tied to conditions first. Therefore she chose not to display those rule-bound awards on her blog.

This policy is subject to change at any time.

16 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. vwoopvwoop
    Oct 21, 2012 @ 09:01:15

    this is entirely fascinating. i’m intrigued by the author’s method. makes me very curious about her.
    nice to meet you both, lola and author. ❤


    • Lola
      Oct 21, 2012 @ 09:54:59

      Thanks for the sweet post, vwoopvwoop! 🙂 I (Lola) can’t speak for the author or how she does it, because my perception is limited to my own world (which is confusing enough, LOL), but she (the author) says she is able to learn a lot from seeing the world through my eyes, from getting authentic glimpses at how it feels to be me and to be the one with the disorder, as opposed to being the one treating it from the outside, looking in.

      And since we’re on the disclaimer page, which is the only page that is not solely from Lola’s point of view, I (the author) can add: thank you for your interest! The method I use is in a certain way similar to having DID, only in a non-pathological way, because my personality is not truly split into different personas. I deliberately step outside of my own experiences and realm, to enter that of Lola to see what she thinks, how she reacts, how she feels and how she perceives the world. It’s hard to explain, really, but it is very real in its own way. Therefore when Lola writes, it’s not just an author’s perception of what she WOULD say, but it is her genuine reaction – it’s what she DOES say. She has her own history, her own personality, her own thoughts and feelings and her own struggles. Because she is inside of my mind, I can look in on her thoughts and lend her my hands to write something in the 3D world. And while I am there while she writes, I am standing in the background and keep myself out of her thoughts etc. So this is her place, not mine and while wherever she goes and whatever she does on the internet, I am there also, I am never participating, only watching to learn and broaden my understanding of her and the issues she has.

      (And I am aware that this might be hard to understand. Anyone with questions is welcome to ask them. Just do so here, please, and not on Lola’s pages, because she has no chance to be able to answer them.)


      • vwoopvwoop
        Oct 21, 2012 @ 10:06:45

        your response makes me smile. i can totally relate, it does sound like DID but i recognize that in this case it is…what do they call it…what actors might do to really get into a role. method acting! if it’s a helpful practice then i think it’s great. i know i got frustrated with my ex-girlfriend several times and asked her to please try and see things from my (our) point of view, how it felt to be in my position. each time she said no, she was frightened to do that, because the idea of being inside my head seemed chaotic. it looks like you’re not frightened of the same things she was. it looks like you’re embracing the challenge.

        still, be careful. lola seems like a very attractive, interesting, and thoughtful young lady. you might find that she befriends people and even has crushes. i can only speak from my own experience with others in my head, but they can be a bit unruly at times. 😉


        • Lola
          Oct 21, 2012 @ 10:21:06

          You’re right, method acting is probably a very similar experience. And yes, I (the author) am very much embracing the challence and incredible learning experience of being able to see the world through Lola’s eyes.

          Yes, and Lola sure is attractive, interesting and thoughtful and would probably like to befriend people. The rule, however, is that she must not befriend people who are not aware of her nature, in order to protect them from the disappointment of finding out that their friend is, while real, not a person with an independent physical body in this world. Lola is a little peeved about that, as she definitely has an unruly streak and would like to decide for herself what to do, but even so, it’s the rules.


          • vwoopvwoop
            Oct 21, 2012 @ 10:24:36

            oh, you are divine. this explanation is perfect. a description after my own heart! and so long as the rules get followed (very clever rules, very needed) lola is free to be herself. 🙂


  2. Antigone
    Oct 23, 2012 @ 18:33:59

    I love all of this. Every last word.


  3. jenniburkeyoga
    Oct 24, 2012 @ 23:39:18

    This is genius! (coming from a Child And Youth Worker perspective 😉


  4. Naver
    Jun 30, 2013 @ 01:43:18

    After having a negative experience trying to find the ideal book to read on BPD, I decided to change methods and look at internet sources, which is how I found this blog. I was just thinking “Wow, I’ve finally found someone I can totally relate to!” when I visited this page. I hadn’t thought anything of “I am the main character of a novel” in the sidebar, I assumed it was a nonfiction. u.u Boo~

    But aside from that I enjoy reading the posts and think it’s an interesting idea.


    • Lola
      Jul 06, 2013 @ 08:00:17

      Thank you for leaving a comment, Naver. I’m glad you can relate to what you read. That’s really all that matters. Even when Lola is not physically real in the sense that she can walk among “real” people like you can, her struggles, her issues, her experiences and her thoughts are very real and true to the disorder and to her experience with it. I think that may be what you can sense when you feel like you can relate. In my (the author’s) experience, that is a more true-to-reality approach than just writing about BPD from a detached and professional point of view. So please don’t feel discouraged by discovering that Lola isn’t a physical person (novel = fiction). She is a genuine person nonetheless, trying to make sense from her experiences much in the same way you do, trying, failing, learning and maybe on her way helping others understand themselves as she tries to understand herself better – in a way textbooks often can not quite manage.

      All the best to you,
      the author


  5. LittleChick
    Jul 24, 2013 @ 02:19:20

    Dear Author & Lola,

    I would appreciate insights from ‘either’ of you. 🙂 I think this blog is absolutely captivating! Character or not Lola’s words are so genuine and heartfelt, and I hope must reflect a good deal of the author.

    I like your posts because I find them so relatable- almost eerily. I’m in the process of working through my own abuse. I have no diagnosis but many of the things you describe fit me as well. Some days I just feel crazy, especially when dealing with flashbacks, amnesia, emotional triggers that don’t make sense to me, and reactivity to other people. I know part of this is a left-over soundtrack from my abuse. But I still feel guilty or like I am a burden to others who relate kindly to me, especially when I know they must get weary of my sensitivity and forgetting. It is so hard to believe sometimes that people would truly value or love me enough to put up with all my crap. I worry constantly that people will give up on me, tell me I ‘owe’ them, or admit they only tolerate me out of an obligation. The sad thing is I know these worries keep me from really letting myself open up, be vulnerable, and fall for people I really want a deeper connection with.

    Does Lola ever deal with this? How does she cope?

    (sorry for the long ramble… hope this is not posted on the wrong page…)


    • Lola
      Jul 31, 2013 @ 07:20:46

      Dear LittleChick,

      thank you for your comment. As the author I am glad that you enjoy Lola’s blog. Regarding your question, Lola herself can probably answer this better than I could, so I will let her speak. Here she goes:

      Hi LC, yeah, I do deal with feeling like a burden too. A LOT. Especially because I love my family so much and hate to think they suffer because of me, so sometimes that makes for hostile behavior on my part, like to try and make it easier for them to get rid of me so they can live a happier life without me. Which of course doesn’t work because I don’t want to lose them at the same time, so sometimes I withdraw and try to keep stuff to myself, but that doesn’t work so good either. Mom sees through my behavior though and usually we can work it out and she can help me feel safe again and I open up, but it’s an ongoing struggle. I wish you all the best. xxx Lola


  6. Thoughts
    Mar 18, 2014 @ 11:06:59

    Dear Author,

    I found the degree of introspection Lola is capable of unbelievable, until I read this disclaimer, after which it all makes sense.

    I am married to someone who I believe at times exhibits borderline traits. Our marriage has been disintegrating over the past couple of years and my wife is now starting divorce proceedings. I have tried a multitude of things to make our relationship work, to no apparent effect.

    I know all borderlines are different, there exists no one-size-fits-all description for any one of them, although they are mostly not capable and/or willing to see their own faults and negative behaviour. But – the amount of soul searching Lola did gave me serious hope. It seemed to me while I read her posts that by now she should be more healthy than most reasonably normal people I know.

    Now that I know she is not real, I cannot help but wonder if there is any hope at all for borderline relationships? According to many sources, getting away from them is the best thing one can do, but that seems like a harsh judgement and a terrible way to solve your “problem”. I am not attracted to borderlines in general like it certainly happens in many dysfunctional relationships, I just love my wife, I am not a quitter and wish we could have a normal, peaceful, stable relationship.

    Wishful thinking? Maybe. I am just a bit confused right now, as I sincerely hope every borderline were capable of seeing herself in perspective like this. I have never seen this happen, I never even read a few anecdotes of this being possible.

    Just wondering out loud – you state that you would appreciate my thoughts, well, here they are 🙂


    • Lola
      Mar 18, 2014 @ 18:34:17

      Dear Reader,

      thank you very much for your thoughts. I am very sorry to hear you are struggling in your relationship.

      While Lola herself is fictional, my occupation as a psychotherapist has convinced me that people, including those with borderline, are capable of this degree of introspection, if they come equipped with a willingness to look at how they function and work on understanding and little by little shaping their behaviour towards the better. (Of course it helps considerably if they are lucky enough to be in a position to have a nurturing environment that is both strong enough to have reliable, healthy boundaries as well as knowledgeable on Borderline and associated issues, so as not to inadvertently fuel the symptoms.) Lola is fictional, so as not to expose the very private life of a real person, while at the same time allowing real people’s feelings and thoughts to be heard.

      How much hope there is for relationships with people diagnosed with Borderline depends on a lot of variables, so that it is impossible to make blanket statements. What’s always helpful is educating yourself about how Borderline “works”, as well as ideally making the endeavour to make the relationship work better a mutual one, so that even when it is tough, you know that ultimately you are both pulling on the same end of the rope instead of ending up in tug-of-war situation. It’s also often helpful to re-assess what ‘normal, peaceful and stable’ means to make them realistically achievable goals. In Lola’s case a good day is one on which she doesn’t harm herself, doesn’t direct profanities at her mother and doesn’t have a meltdown. Because even when she is capable of insight and seeing things in perspective when she’s calm and collected (which is when she writes for her blog), if her emotions are triggered by something, she still struggles with not reacting impulsively.

      As far as the suggestion to get away from Borderline relationships go, it is again hard to make general statements about this. If the person displaying Borderline behaviour is behaving in dangerous ways, does not acknowledge that there are any problems with the behaviour, or if the other (non-borderline) person simply feels she can’t cope or is seriously suffering from the relationship, then having healthy boundaries can mean to end the relationship altogether. At the same time if both are willing to work together, maybe seek professional help together if they can find (and afford) a good therapist who is knowledgeable on the issue, if they find themselves strong enough to bear up against the sometimes intense feelings and still are able to enjoy a sufficient amount of nice moments together in a framework of healthy boundaries, then there is hope. But this is a very personal and individual thing to decide.

      I wish you all the best in your current situation.
      The Author.


  7. MO
    Oct 23, 2015 @ 01:02:00

    Thank you for this. I found myself in the position of “family” in 2010 and I was clueless! In many ways I still am. This is an amazing gift to be able to get inside the head of my Lola, since expressing what she’s thinking and how she’s feeling isn’t always easy for her. I wish I had found this blog years ago!


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