How to be Trustworthy

 

For people dealing with people who have trust issues, here are ten things that I find inspire trust:

  • say what you will do beforehand and do exactly as you have said
  • never make arrangements behind my back
  • don’t talk to my therapist behind my back
  • don’t lie to me
  • if there is something you can’t tell me, say so and tell me why
  • if you have made a mistake, say so and accept the responsibility for it
  • don’t whitewash the truth, break it gently instead
  • don’t be personally offended by distrustful reactions
  • make yourself transparent, as in your feelings, your intentions, your thoughts
  • have morals and behave ethically in general

 

And here are five things that I try to realize to make it easier for others to trust me:

  • reflecting on my reasons for lying and trying to sort them out
  • telling someone if I can’t do as I said I would
  • letting someone know of unhealthy thoughts when I have them
  • telling someone about it if I think I made a mistake
  • keeping on working on my issues and letting others know about progresses and setbacks

 

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Borderline, PTSD and Trust Issues « Who needs normal?!
  2. nobodysreadingme
    Dec 17, 2012 @ 13:50:30

    The ten things? If it’s any consolation at all, they’re what everyone needs, ill or well, normal or not, ordinary or extraordinary. You’re not asking for anything unreasonable
    Some of us try really hard. Most people do the best they can, from both sides of the relationship, the one trusting and the trustee.
    Both sides will cock things up inadvertently

    • Lola
      Dec 17, 2012 @ 17:02:47

      Yeah, messing up is probably unavoidable. I suppose if dealt with positively, it’s okay to, too. Everyone is only human, after all. And I sure know about messing up!

      And while totally agree that everyone can use those ten things, I have learned that especially people with mental health issues get deceived quite a bit where regular people are trusted with the truth. I have had my share of professionals making plans for me without ever telling me in advance or asking what I want, and even therapists who tried to talk to my mom without me knowing, advising my mom to not let me know about it either. She always let me know when she talked with anyone about me, though, and I’m very glad she did.

      • nobodysreadingme
        Dec 17, 2012 @ 17:08:56

        If your therapist talks behind your back, then he/she is crap at their job, and you’re better off without them.
        That’s absolutely indefensible. Talking to yuor therapist is a voluntary effort and should not be open to abuse.

        • Lola
          Dec 17, 2012 @ 17:17:22

          I agree and in hindsight I’m glad I got kicked out of this therapist’s program. Unfortunately many therapists think they need to collaborate with parents / social workers / institutions / doctors / friends etc. behind a patient’s back. And it’s the worst fucking thing to happen, like when out of the blue the girl I had a fight with turned up in MY private therapy session and I am supposed to even things out with her. She knew all the time she was going to be there, only I never even knew she was coming and felt totally overwhelmed and angry at everyone. Didn’t do much to help me trust my therapist (nor to even anything out! Kind of ridiculous to even think that might work). At least my therapist could have told me she would like me to even things out with that girl. But that wasn’t the only thing that made her a crap therapist, just one more thing that reinforced it. :-/

  3. manyofus1980
    Dec 22, 2012 @ 07:43:55

    Thanks for these. Love them. xo

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